Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Today

I woke up today, and puttered around, the last time I did laundry I did it at a friends home, and the clothes were slightly damp, so they've been draped all over my apartment. This morning I walked around with a pile of hangers on my arm, and hung up the ones that needed to be hung up and folded the rest.

It seems like it's just like any other day of the week, I feel like I've been off work for FORFREAKINGEVER. My shoulder hurts a little less every day. Taking Naproxen seems to help more than the Vicoden since it's working on the swelling and Vicoden just handles the pain.

I saw the surgeon about the mass. There was a biopsy, and a frozen section, and a call back. It all came back positive. I went in and got all the preadmission testing done. Heard all the stuff about what could change, but really I was ok. If you had looked in the dictionary, you would have seen my picture next to the word stoic.

It's kind of funny. I walk around and feel very much at peace. Then at times it's a "Wow. I have cancer. I have a 3.6cm mass of cancer."

I have also noted that when you say the word cancer lots and lots. It doesn't even make sense as a word anymore. I'm also in awe at how much mucous gets made when crying. Just absolutely in awe.

I want to shake my fist at people who whine because they can't find the granola bars they want in Target, and say "Really? Your world is coming to a stop because you can't find your granola bar? I have cancer!"

I want to cry and tell my sister to stop making this about her, because it's not. It's about me. I don't really care if there's death and sadness around her. I have cancer. She didn't cause it.

I am clinging. CLINGING. to this... it's papillary cancer, the surgeon said he believes it's fully encapsulated. This kind of cancer has a 97% survival rate. He doesn't even think I'm going to need radiation or chemo.

So, if you get cancer. Pick this kind.

I think I'll go cry for a while now.

2 comments:

PK said...

Cancer is a sucky work. It looks too innocent for the emotions that come along with it. Use your blog to rant and rave and cuss and fuss as you need to. You'll find support here as you have to but up with this for the time being. Sooner than you can imagine now this will be behind you and it will just be a part of your history.

Hugs,
PK

Sarah C. said...

Oh, Katy, I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to see this. I've had a stomach bug and not really felt like much online time. Saying lots of prayers for you and the medical team that will be treating you. Cancer is extremely scary no matter what type. Please continue to update as you can. Will be thinking of you. ((HUGS))