More to update in the near future

76 words

Speedtest

But for now... a fun piece of frippery

Unexpected love in numbers.

10. I have known that my life with Dan has been ending for the last 10 months. It didn't ever really get 'better'. It got worse and worse. Culminating in a comment from him just over a month ago, that my kids could not come to the house we share over the summer.

9. I have seen at least 9 different places to live in the last few months. I found a large, affordable mobile home. Perfect for the kids and me. It's 2 years old, meticulously clean, in a fantastic school district. It doesn't even look like a mobile home.

8. I have been applying to jobs for the last 8 months, NOTHING. Then this week I finally started hearing back on all those resumes and applications. It's looking VERY good here.

7. 7 weeks ago, my Stepmother (who both looks and sounds like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies) gave me a membership to EHarmony.

6. It took me 6 weeks to make the decision to sign up, not expecting anything, really. Once signing up, it did not look so good out there. Lots of men that I was matched with were very lonely. Ok. Not really lonely more like horny. I had one date. In the middle of the date, he announced that he lived with his mom and he had never had a girlfriend before, and oh, by the way he'd had a heart attack 3 months ago. He was 50. I began to go to EHarmony for the entertainment.

5. 5 days ago I met someone who actually didn't offend me on EHarmony. I was stunned. He was actually friendly, understood my jokes, had a job (!!!!), and was honest about himself. Not once in any communications we've had did he tell me how wonderful he was. Heck, when I still communicate with Dan, all I hear is how great he is and how I've thrown away something good.

4. I told a friend of mine about him (we shall call him Mr. Mysterious Heartbeats for now -- MMH for short), and she laughed at me. She laughed at me because I was being so cautious. She said that I needed to put down my hands, and start paying attention to the gifts that God has been giving me, in His time, in His way. Four amazing things. Gary is going to Iraq in about 4 weeks. In 8 weeks I will have custody of the kids full time ( I'm letting them finish their school year before getting them). I have finally gotten my state residency settled. I have been surrounded by godly women who love me and guide me.

3. I have heard from 3 women whom Dan has had sex with. They all have contacted me. It's freaky, and I don't have any anger for him anymore. I truly am over all of it. It's so strange.

2. I'm ready I have been in counseling, dealing with everything that's been happening. I can truly say that I can be happy in this life with my kids and my God. The two most important loves in my life.

1. MMH understands all of it. HE respects me. We talk for hours, and not once has he tried to steer our conversation into areas of sexual talk. He really cares about me. I'm just walking around stunned. Stunned I tell you. So, it's not a love that makes me want to get married and have babies ( well, maybe it is ) but I've got my head on straight, and I'm just enjoying actually FEELING like a woman who matters to someone beyond her children again.

Pray for me to have wisdom.

Wow... a long break!

I took a long break from blogdom! I have a couple call backs for jobs, and that's been wonderful. I'm starting to feel like there's hope!


My father is doing better. I'm working on relationships with all my siblings, and that's good.

I'm still pretty much fighting depression now, but once I get a job I'll be on my way to my old self. I hate feeling helpless.

So it's a mediocre check in. But it's going to be good. I'm still waiting on something to happen with Dan. I know that I don't want to live my life with him, but I would like for him to get a clue and learn that he can't treat people the way he treats me. Last night I went to our church dinner, where we have a discussion on a certain topic after the potluck. Anyway, Dan called while we were having our discussion and my phone ringer was off. Immediately afterward I looked down and saw he was calling again. When I answered the phone he said, "Thanks for answering your phone." It was all I could do to not hang up on him. He knew I was in church. Grrr. I'm all angry about it again. I just can't wait to be on my own!!

A Quick Update

_check__ New Resume.

_check__ Cover Letter.

_check__ Appointment with Pastor.

_check__ Job Interview clothing.

_check__ Feeling GOOD about me.


In my comments for the previous entry, Aimeslee mentioned an intervention. I scoffed initially because I just didn't want to be here for the long run. I changed my mind, for various reasons, but one of them is for his future. I don't want him to think that he is allowed to behave that way. With anyone.

I have a couple resumes in good places. My life is coming together. I am THRILLED.

I WILL find a job. I WILL be able to advance myself. I AM strong and capable, and to channel Jack Handy, "I'm worth it!".

Happy Valentines Day!

I may not know any of you 'in skin', but I just want you all to know that you are the best support system a woman could ask for. Just knowing that some of you are there to listen to me, has been amazing. I keep plugging along, and keep focusing on the joys of life. Thank you all for being here for me. May you each feel an extra measure of love in your life today directly from my heart to yours.

Thank you!

Now on to the details in my life.

No job. Sigh. I have pulled out the stops, and called all the professionals in my life, and I'm getting a new resume done. I feel like such a failure, but that's life, I'm going to learn and move on. Perhaps I will even get more dough because my resume is put together better.

The man...I don't know what to think. I know that he's not faithful. I know that he is depressed. I also am still feeling like if he can get through the depression the faithful part will come back. I know in my head that I just need to call it good, dust off my hands and step out into the wide world. I deserve fidelity. Truly. I just don't have a job to lean on right now. Soon I will. I KNOW I will.

My faith. Wow...to say that it is growing by leaps and bounds would be an understatement. Each day I encounter a little bit of grace that I hadn't even embraced. I feel sometimes as if I am walking around in a state of continuous revelations.

Me... well, I'm still in the skinny jeans. I'm doing well with the self control and weight loss. I think that part of that good stuff is because I'm not wallowing in depression. I am loving these dogs, and I am having a ton of fun going out for walks with them, and spending time playing chase the stick in the yard. I don't know if I ever mentioned that they are not Labrador Retrievers, but they are Labrador Locators. Fetch is not a word they comprehend, so what happens is that you throw a stick, then you chase down the stick, trying to beat the dog to it, who then snags the stick and just runs like crazy. It's hard to stay fat when chasing dogs.

I have found that I just love this town. I have so many good ideas for my future. Life is good, it's going to be better. I can't wait for the next adventure!

I've been tagged by Toners!

• You must post the rules before you give your answers.
• You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name.
• Each fact must begin with that letter.
• If you don't have a middle name, just use your maiden name.
• After you've been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.
• At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and need to read your blog for details).

My middle name is Louise.

L-Life is something that I embrace.
O- Often I say that my body is "O" shaped.
U- Umbrella's are something that I don't carry. Sometimes that can suck.
I- I am a much better person in my 40's than at any other time in my life.
S- Sometimes I blame myself for things that I have no control over. (It's a flaw. That can suck too)
E- Every day is a good day when it starts. It's what you do with those opportunities that make the difference.

Now, for the tags...

I tag Sarah
Aimeslee
Kim
Monica
Colleen
Dedra

I chose these guys because they have some fun blogs, and for one of them... Dedra's...I am curious as to what her middle name is. I have been in love with her first name since I first saw her pop up on the message board.

Another "cool" thing about my list is that 4 of the names I chose all live south of the Mason-Dixon line ( I think...) and the other two are Canadians!

I will give an update soon on my life. No job yet, but I'm REALLY getting a lot of leads. Something will show up!

-Katy

My heart is so full right now!

I was feeling really upset about the man, and decided that I was going to just explode.

Then I logged on and read your comments and found my little zen spot. I am better. LOTS better.

So, new things? I went to the Social Security office. I need to get more papers in order for the name change. Then I need to get more papers in order for my passport.

I've decided that I want to take a cruise. I'm going to save every penny I can from my paychecks and I'm going to take a fantastic vacation with my kiddoes. It's going to be a good thing if you ask me.

Today we had an ice storm in the morning that shut down the county. There was a 25 car pile up on I 81. Then at about noon we got rain. On the ice. Then tonight we got snow. Flakes the size of my fist! Weird weather. Tomorrow we're supposed to have warmer weather.

Because of the weather, they closed down the colleges, and Dan didn't go to work. I actually made him a nice warm breakfast. We finished at about 10:40. Then at 2pm he comes downstairs and starts moaning and groaning about how hungry he is, and how he wants to know if I'm going to do anything for lunch. Upstairs I go, I open the fridge, pull out a container of leftovers, dump them in a dish, microwave them, and plop it in front of him.

During all of this, I managed to get dinner in the crock pot. This is just crazy. I need to get a job!!!!! A good job would be lovely!